I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
