This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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