don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
