The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
