He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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