Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
