her vagine was all disorganized.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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