How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
