they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
