I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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