saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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