some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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