pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
