the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
