So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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