The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
