I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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