So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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