I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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