I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
