I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize