He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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