I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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