Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize