I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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