Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
