3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
