You made me cry and you don't even care
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My cat gives me a boner
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
