i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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