ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
