New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
