Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
