dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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