I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
