Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
