I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
