so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
