I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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