Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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