I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
