You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
