never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
