the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
