You just made me feel so damn special
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
