Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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