When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
