margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Be still, my beating vagina.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
