So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
