is your mom at the bar?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
