All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
