After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
