i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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