I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize