i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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