I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
