ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
