All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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