He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
