I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
