they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
