you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
