the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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