i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
