I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
