Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
