my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize