I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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